Regret.
It is not something I readily accept.
Have I missed the mark at times in my life? Most certainly … but to list one or another as “regret” is something I have, for the most part, rejected. In my estimation, it would be a waste of energy … right, wrong, or otherwise.
But this evening while listening to some music, specifically some songs from Tim O’Brien … thoughts of one vital aspect of life came to mind. Simplicity. And I found it almost unavoidable to accept that I have allowed “it” to slip from my grasp. In many ways, “life” has seized the opportunities I have offered it, weighing me down with its subtle demands … and not-so-subtle commands.
And then the thought of wasted energy returns. Boring to the core of life’s activity, I wonder how much is exactly that? How much deemed important amounts to little more than running the proverbial hamster wheel?
These comments are not self-condemnatory. They are revelatory. They could be likened to wa(o)ndering away from the path something within me desires; wandering aimlessly … until awareness is drawn away from the mindless .. to the mindful. Meandering with a purpose that may have begun with good intent, I can find myself in a landscape cluttered with debri, wreckage, and a life set on blocks in the front yard, awaiting an overhaul.
And then I remember other days. I remember the ecstasy of awakening before the golden ball rises, aware of the reverberating pulse of Life beyond the appearance of the living. These remembrances could never be captured with a word … and I suspect you know exactly what I mean. These are the priceless moments; so wonderfully light they can be carried for lifetimes without effort. They hold the power to captivate, invigorate, and motivate … limited only by a willingness to re-member. Awareness of … and focus upon these brings Life back into focus. It’s not that what appears to be is discounted. It’s simply remembering there’s more than what two eyes can see. In fact, those two must become (the) one to see clearly.
Thankfully, we are all given those opportunities … to remember. Mr. O’Brien offered me one this night. Hmmmm … I wonder how many folks, when allowing the creative flow passage through them, arising as a painting, a song, or a word, realize that in so doing, they are part of something far more expansive than the page or palette before them?
So I think I will set that regret aside, as I see my moments of forgetfulness actually strengthening my “ability” to remember. Indeed, it seems the energy expended multiplied in its return. And as I step further here, if a “regret” should arise, it will be greeted as a friend … for it is offering an invitation … within, to remember. Ah, one more note to self … when the invitation comes, don’t set it aside for another day. Accept it.
