Pressed.

Bits and pieces of intense energy are woven through the following words, prompted by what seems a rather steady flow of thought assaults in recent days. They have roots shooting out in a number of directions … but I have a sense the tap root runs (in this instance) to the underbelly of the beast. My intention for bringing them here is to offer them an avenue for release … in an effort to find my way back to the hub of this wheel.

For years, I pretty much allowed the state of affairs in this world their own way. I gave little mind to politics and the global concerns many discuss and argue over. However, a few years ago I was drawn to pay closer attention. Prompted, in part, by a desire to accept “my share of responsibility” for what was going on, I opened myself to becoming “educated” … and in so doing, found that “truth” (especially with issues of politics, law, justice, business, etc.) seems to have been taken hostage. There are rumors it still lives freely “here or there,” but in most cases, they tend to be unsubstantiated claims … with any “proof” offered easily refuted by another … especially in this grand realm called “the net.”

It seems what we have before us is live theater … kabuki style … cum lavish costumes and make-up. Ah, it is surely a grand display and folks come from far and wide to witness a presentation words could never capture.

The price of admission is said to be free … and audience participation is said to be encouraged. If they haven’t fallen asleep from feeding on the free popcorn and soda, audience members could tell you what’s going on in any scene because it pretty much remains the same. Indeed, they could likely cue any of the adorned divos and divas if they faltered with a line. Stepping back a bit, it’s quite evident the show is outdated and stale … but what remains fascinating is the audience keeps coming back … this in spite of the fact that admission is no longer free.

And beyond “fascination,” comes the humble admission that I sat in the kabuki pews on many a night.

I came of my own free will … with my desire set straight … to play my part as best I could, but I have gotten the distinct impression that I’m trying to get involved with something that’s in conflict with who I am. Is it “real” or imagined? I couldn’t say with certainty at this juncture … although I am giving up my regular seat in the pew. It’s time to step away for a moment.

This decision is not a judgement of those who remain. The theater I speak of is actually just one stage operating within a greater one. This is all theater … and we’re all players. The key is for each to realize what role he or she is called to play, and then play it well. Playing out-of-character causes one to “reach” outside his natural flow … and that is, in a sense where I am.

You see, I have allowed myself to fall into the trap of emotion … and that is precisely what I sense the intent is … to stir the emotions of man, that he would churn, sputter, and spit as he is convinced to focus attention on any who disagree, disregarding the magician’s slight of hand. I have sensed my heart hardening to some extent … with it, harsh criticisms arising. It is out-of-keeping with my heart’s desire. Granted, perhaps I should learn how to deal more appropriately with such foolishness … but perhaps taking leave of the front row seats in this theater is proper for me.

I remember well those times before I chose to become educated. The wheel of life turned and I kept my hands and mind busy with the tasks I felt were most important. In recent days that has slipped from my grasp … but the days are short until I reclaim a peace. No longer will I claim to be pressed by externals … for inevitably I am the one who has allowed it be.

My intent is to hold up the players, releasing condemnation, with a realization there is some purpose in the roles they have willingly accepted. In the end, in spite of any challenges and “pain” that may come (and likely will), I sense the pendulum will continue its swing … sweeping aside one bit of foolishness for another … until we find the red path … which I trust fully we will.

 

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