Journal entry ~ May 27, 2003.

It’s intriguing what I find in any given moment of exploring. It’s intriguing what catches my attention, and then keeps it. Here’s a journal entry that did just that. It was a great reminder for me. I remember many times like it. Pain and hope co-mingling, jostling for position in a man’s soul. It is being shared simply because I think I need to …

The moment … it is here … now, but often as a ghost – reality hidden in the shadows. How can I see completely without inviting the shadow to light?

I’ve heard it said that heaven exists in the moment. Perhaps it is so, as it transcends time … space. Heaven lying in wait … in the shadow of the moment.

But how much of the moment is present … over-run with thoughts of yesterday and the lure of tomorrow. Herein lies my greatest struggle – coming to peace with each and every moment.

I believe the key to understanding joy and purpose is here – right here – and flows with the emergence of the words on this page.

~

I long to know myself – to know the truth. But busyness arises as a thief, entering the unlocked door of the mind. Awareness – mindfulness. Such simple words but as I grow in years they seem integral parts of my becoming.

Can you taste the tears in these words?

I’m in a hotel room in Atlantic City. While my peers entertain their customers – gambling, drinking, I am here. I feel strangely alone in situations like this. And I wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Why do I “feel” as I do? I would much rather meet and talk with one person or perhaps a few.

And here I talk with you. The quiet is as sweet as I could imagine. And indeed, in some ways, more than at my house in the valley.

I sleep that I may awaken –

And so, what has this man learned in the years since? Some. I can still relate to that day. But “joy” has the upper hand almost without exception … as it takes but a glimpse of heaven in a moment to make it real. And I know full well that the “busyness” of life cannot keep me from anything. It is but another excuse to maintain the status quo.

We’re each walking a path perfectly geared for who we are in the moment. But it’s only intended for the moment. There are no straps and weights to hold us in place. We live. We struggle. We move. And along the way, we realize we’re not alone.

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