The blue cloth chair sat by the window that opened to the wooded edge of a hill in the valley. Many evenings I was there by myself, yet never alone.
Some nights were easy. The thoughts flowed like newly fallen leaves on a mountain stream. But there were many others where I felt a bit more like a pebble at the bottom of a puddle. I wasn’t going anywhere unless someone came along and booted me out.
But I understood that all struggles embraced have benefit. They test one’s resolve. They become the question, “are you serious about this?” Indeed, they may well be part of an initiation … to exemplify whether we’re prepared to “move on.”
Whatever the case, I loved being there … reading for a bit, often finding myself in pause after only a sentence or two, allowing the message to work it’s way deeper. Then perhaps I would pick up a pen as a means to solidify the process. In essence, I followed the leading (of Spirit), trusting I was “going” wherever I needed to go.
On one particular night, a scripture came to mind. Perhaps it was prompted by the first line from the “Pattern of the Trestleboard” (2), as it flows in the same vein, but this excerpt was from 2 Peter 1:3, (paraphrased here as I remembered it that night), “… we have been given everything we need for life and godliness …”
This verse was familiar to me from the years I was involved in the church, but as I sat with it, there was a procession of thought that led me to, “it’s all right here.” And if indeed “it is“, what am I called to do … but to open myself to that “truth.” Even now, how long does viagra last this brings to mind a verse from the Nag Hammadi, precisely from the Gospel of Thomas (vs. 113), “… the Father’s kingdom is spread out upon the earth, and people don’t see it.” How can it be that “something” can be squarely in front of us, but we don’t see it? To put it simply, we’re not tuned in … sorta like someone telling us about a cool radio station, but we can’t find it, so we tell them they must be mistaken … when we simply need to change the frequency.
At that moment, there was an opening … where my mind wasn’t the only part of me connecting with the words. My heart … my spirit … however you may want to term it, moved, as if my spirit arose to meet the Spirit through which those words originated. If that was the end of the moment, that would have been quite alright with me, but it wasn’t.
I continued to linger with all that was swirling about, and another thought came, “then I have full awareness of “who” I am … and how I play into this life that I’m living.” Indeed, it seems simple, but this is where words are bound. I have struggled mightily with figuring out where I fit in … like one of those proverbial square pegs looking about and only seeing round holes. “Something” was definitely moving. Perhaps my mundane efforts of “pursuit” were moving the dial a bit … ?
“I am aware …” Those were the words that seemed to trigger a universal response. But it wasn’t just the words. The difference, I “sense,” is that when I said those words aloud that evening, I believed them … to the very core.
And from that moment, it seemed my “awareness” did expand, but it didn’t always have a warm, fuzzy feel to it. You see, I began to notice my “self” (2) in a more profound way, and there were (and continue to be) many times it was uncomfortable. It’s as if I invited Spirit to follow me around with a mirror … and show me my self. The bottom line is that I know that “this” is precisely what I needed.
“Man, know thyself.”
Those words are a starting point … opening to a narrow path into the inner realm to one’s Self. But rest assured, we have all we need to make the journey … and each of us will.